They find the Dzhokhar Tsarnaev in the dumb boat. I happy I can sleep that my people in the America safe. Still Hulk Hogan go fuck yourself
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 20, 2013
If you’re not following The Iron Shiek already you’re missing out on the single greatest twitterer in existence today or, perhaps, ever.
oh my god in the Boston marathon. I sorry for the good people and hope they ok god bless them forever
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 15, 2013
Brian Krebs is a journalist who specializes in computer security. His blog, Krebs on Security, is worth a bookmark even if you’re not into computer security. If nothing else, it will help expand your knowledge of all things related to that metal box sitting next to you that lets you play on the internet. That’s not a bad thing.
Recently Krebs profiled a web site that specializes in providing personal information about people (for a small fee). With such information it’s possible to gain even more personal information such as full credit reports. Such a scenario was recently put on stage with the news of celebrity credit records being posted online.
Not long after Krebs’ report went online he found his web site being DDoSed (flooded with massive amounts of traffic to the point it became inaccessible to anyone). Some people apparently didn’t like what Krebs was writing about. This was nothing that Krebs hadn’t experienced before. What was new about this particular experience was opening his front door a day later and finding himself staring down the barrel of a police officer’s gun. He had been SWATed.
I tore off the top of the thick, plastic bag and immediately popped the first piece of dehydrated meat into my mouth. I sat the bag down next to my keyboard and continued on with my internet travels. On occasion I would pop another piece into my mouth. The sixth piece caught my eye. One end of it was covered in what looked like a thin layer of cotton. It certainly peeled off the meat like cotton. I was just about to pop the now naked meat into my mouth, but then a small suggestion in the back of my head trickled forward and suggested I look into the bag o’ meat. There I saw that mass of meat pieces, stuck together to form a single entity, were covered on either side of the two-dimensional bag with more white cotton. I was confused at first. It took a good thirty seconds for the next suggestion to trickle forward: inspect the bag. It didn’t take long. I flipped it over and saw it. A long slice right down the middle. Probably made by the person opening the box containing these packages of jerky with an appropriately named “box cutter”.
There were only two questions left to answer. What the fuck was it and how lethal was the unknown amount that had already passed my lips.
Turns out that the whole Mayan apocalypse didn’t happen so I must now return to blogging.
Welcome 2013. And as is customary, 2013 started off with a 6 hour long Gaki no Tsukai special batsu (punishment) game. This annual event dates back to 2003 and typically involves the main cast of the show having to spend 24 hours not laughing in an environment designed to specifically make them laugh. And every time they do laugh the a masked man appears and smacks their ass (the punishment) with some large, rubbery object. You can read a bit more on these batsu games in this post I wrote a couple years back.
So what was this year’s scenario?
Been enjoying some Jack’s Abby Octoberfest, watching a movie I picked up earlier this week on a blind buy. The movie is Red Lights and boasts a cast that includes Sigourney Weaver, Robert DeNiro and a personal favorite, Cillian Murphy. I’ve finished the movie and four pints of Jack’s and I’m ready to tell you what’s what about this blind buy.
Spoilers ahead. I give everything away. Continue at your own risk. Actually it’s quite little risk as I’ll advise you up front to walk away from this one. So much potential destroyed in the last ten minutes. Continued on the inside…
One of their movies I found really interesting is a documentary about low-budget film director Don Dohler called Blood, Boobs & Beast. It’s worth the 75 minutes of your time it will take to watch it all the way through.
And straight away I have a new band to enjoy! They’re called Mass of the Fermenting Dregs and the lead singer, Natsuko Miyamoto (宮本菜津子), is a woman who has some serious pipes, which she will now demonstrate in their song titled “Hikizuru Beat” (ひきずるビート) embedded below for your enjoyment.
Another series from Gaki no Tsukai is called “Gas Nuki” in which the cast are asked to dress up nicely and are then brought to a fancy restaurant for an exceptional meal. There is, as you would expect, a catch: they can only eat if they fart. Below is the first in this presently brief series in which they attend a five-course gourmet meal. For each fart a cast member produces they receive a course. You can enjoy this, sans smell-o-vision (aren’t you lucky), in the videos below. Note that you will need to enable closed captioning to see the subtitles (although you can probably understand what’s going on through context alone).
Despite my fondness for certain Japanese television shows I am not quite certain Japanese manners as they relate to the breaking of wind. Downtown tend to present themselves as man-children and can be found to, on occasion, fart while hosting their shows. Is it considered crude and childish and they’re simply embracing that child mentality, or can I take the subway in Tokyo and rip them left and right and be congratulated by all in attendance? I’m guessing it’s the former.
This is not, by any means, Downtown’s first foray into televised farting competitions. They once held, in the 1990s, a televised competition on who could produce the loudest fart. They hosted this show inside a massive auditorium where several hundred of their fans were given fart-inducing food and beverages and then asked to come to the stage when they were ready to have the loudness of their fart measured. Curiously, while easily half the audience were female, all (except maybe one) who came to the stage were male. You’re in luck! You can watch it this massive fart contest for yourself right here.
Here is a brief introduction to Gaki no Tsukai‘s “Genkai” series. Genkai (限界) is Japanese for “limit” or “bound”. The series was apparently born out of Matsumoto flubbing his words when he went to order an iced coffee (aisu kohi), instead said “maisu mohi”, and the waitress returned with an iced coffee. So the question posed by Matsumoto is what is the limit a person can stray from the words of the item they want to order and still successfully receive it.
Since iced coffee was where it all began, iced coffee is the first in the series. Unfortunately I can’t embed the videos here, so you’ll have to struggle with clicking on the links below. I know you’re up to the challenge. These videos utilize YouTube’s subtitle feature so if you don’t have closed-captioning enabled you’ll need to click on the “CC” button along the bottom-right bar below the video.
I think this series provides some small of insight into Japanese culture. It would seem if a waitress or waiter does not understand what was said they pretend it was never said at all. I imagine in the U.S. wait staff would be far more likely to confront the person and ask for confirmation on what they said.
This might be my favorite in the series even though there are no subtitles available. This is 7th in the Genkai series and the entire Gaki cast gets in on the action. Their job is to order Omurice (オムライス) which is an omelette stuffed with rice and topped with ketchup. Look out for attempts at ordering an Anne Rice, a homo sapiens, and a near perfect ordering of one samurai at the end.
You’ll also notice in this video there’s a new twist in which Gaki members receive a cash prize if they successful in placing their order. The prize amount is based on the difficulty of the phrase being tested. The unit of currency is the Yen (円) and the values give in are “man” (万) which means 10,000. So “nana man yen” (7万円) would be 70,000 Yen. A rough, but simple way to calculate from Yen into U.S. Dollars is to treat 1 Yen like it is 1 Cent; movie the decimal point to the left two places and you’ve got your dollar amount; in this case $700 US. In reality 1 Yen is more like 1.3 cents, so 70,000 Yen would be closer to 900 dollars, but it gives you a general idea of how much money is up for grabs when Matsumoto’s attempt at ordering a 侍 is valued at 10万円.
We here at Team Dick have had a chance to sit down and read her story and can confirm it is legitimately fucking awesome. You can buy the anthology her story appears in online at some unnamed online store or through other means as outlined on the editor’s web site The Dead Robots’ Society.
Team Dick would have rated her story at the exemplary seventeen stars, however she receives only sixteen stars as the story leaves us wanting a more substantial version comprised of several hundred pages rather than the several tens of pages that appear in the anthology.
Should a novel-length version of her story ever be published we here at Team Dick will alter this review to a proper and full seventeen stars. We will also review said novel using only stick figure illustrations. So pester the fuck out of the anthology’s editors, who will pester the fuck out of her agent, who will pester the fuck out of Falconesse to take this mini powdered-candy stick (we can’t say Pixi-Stix can we? it’s trademarked) into a massively-sized powdered-candy stick (fuck the three-foot version you might still find in random stores, I’m talking an all-new twelve-foot fucking
pixi powdered candy stick) which you will then eat until you cake your esophagus with too much powder and gag like you’re some kind of cinnamon challenger noob!!
That is all.