Team Dick

Spooky Story

Posted by @ 10:08 PM on Nov 1, 2013

It’s a little late, but humor me. I have one hell of a scary story.

Your computer is infected with a virus. But there’s no way to prove it’s infected. You just notice little things. It won’t boot off a CD anymore. Certain web sites won’t load on your computer. Yet those same web sites, those same CDs, work on other computers just fine.

But soon the rest of your computers start to experience these same symptoms. You isolate them. Pull them off the internet. Physically remove the wired and wireless network cards. Then you run some diagnostics and see, somehow, it’s still talking over some phantom network that it can’t possibly connect to. What else is there? The speakers? The microphone? And when you physically remove them … that network activity stops?!

You figure out how they’re getting infected. It’s the USB sticks you use to transfer files. Stop using the USB sticks. Flash the BIOS. Reformat the hard drives. Reinstall the OS. All OK, right? WRONG! It’s still there.

And here’s the kicker: one is a Linux box. The other is a Mac OS box. Another is a Windows box. Different operating systems. All infected. HOW?!

This horror tale is one told by a security expert. One who has the credentials and the reputation to believe he’s not making this up. This is the story of BadBIOS.

Is this all really possible? And why waste what would be the most sophisticated virus ever seen on a single individual and not sell it, or use it on extremely high-value targets like banks or governments?

Good questions.
Continued on the inside…

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Random Blog Post

Posted by @ 3:13 PM on Oct 25, 2013

I once paid a guy in Gentlemen Jack to read Twilight and write a blog post about it. He claims to have read it, he never blogged it. That fucker.

Yet another example of why Japan amuses me: hot canned ginger ale. The products they produce have such wonderful, probably unintentional, whimsy that you can’t help but smile. Now I shal attempt to recreate this with a can of ginger ale and a stove. I’ll let you know how that turns out.

The company (and most of the people) behind the Myst series of games have a kickstarter going to fund a new game called Obduction which will be similar in style to Myst, but set in a different world. And it’ll be powered by the amazing Unreal 4 engine. Shit just got real. The possibilities are endless and this fucker needs to get funded. I continue to debate with myself whether I should continue saving to buy a house or dump it all on this.

WTF Corner

Links Corner

  • Warning: these stickers really hurt when removing them from the most appropriate of appendages.
  • Tails is the second most underrated web comic out there. Read it from the beginning. In one go.
  • The sight of wrecked exotic cars makes me feel a little better inside. Because I deal with my material jealousy in very juvenile ways.
  • Don’t fucking tell anyone about this site, but it’s great for cutting through bullshit, laggy web-based media players. I just download the actual media file at a rate my service provider is happy to provide (my urethra has more bandwidth, fuck!) and watch it when I want. Over and over. Forever.
  • A great service that helps you discover new music artists based on your own tastes.
  • Combine the last two links with YouTube and FFmpeg and you can very quickly grow your iPod’s library of wonderful crap to annoy your friends with on long drives.

You’re gonna carry that weight.

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Iranian Legend

Posted by @ 9:20 AM on Jun 25, 2013

There’s an Indiegogo campaign happening right now that you should know about.

Iranian Legend: The Iron Sheik Story will be a documentary about the Iron Sheik who, for fuck’s sake, if you don’t know who he is you’re missing out. In the 1960s he was an Olympic gold medalist in wrestling for Iran. In the 1970s and 1980s he was a legendary professional wrestler. Today he has one of the craziest Twitter feeds there is.

But years of drug addiction and the wear and tear of wrestling 300+ days a year for more than a decade have taken their toll. He’s in need of surgery to fix his knees and the money from his professional career is long gone. Part of the money raised to create this documentary will go towards paying for his surgery and rehabilitation.

Check it out. Toss in a few bucks. Help Bubba out.

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Kiki Ponzu

Posted by @ 11:00 AM on Jun 24, 2013

GakiFiles has translated an episode of Gaki no Tsukai, Kiki Ponzu.

In the Kiki series each cast member is given a food or drink item to sample while blindfolded. They must then sample a number of similar items and correctly identify the one they were given while blindfolded. Get it right and the cast member wins 100,000 yen (about US$1,000). Get it wrong and they receive a batsu (punishment), typically involving getting hit over the head with something.

In this episode they’re tasting Ponzu, a citrus-based sauce typically used for dipping.

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Cross-section Images of Cartridges

Posted by @ 10:45 AM on Jun 24, 2013

Sabine Pearlman has a collection of photos of cross-sections of different cartridges. That’s cartridge not bullet. A bullet is the projectile — the bit that leaves the gun, while the cartridge is everything put together (bullet, gunpowder, primer, case, etc.). If you want to see more then let Google be your guide.

While we’re talking about these things, let’s quickly dispel a little 80s Hollywood myth: the teflon-coated bullet. The myth has it that coating bullets in teflon should turn a normal bullet into an armor-piercing bullet. The reality is to pierce armor a bullet needs to be made of a very hard material and move at a very high velocity. Teflon does play a role in this, but not the way it’s portrayed in movies. The harder bullets induce more wear on gun barrels. A coating of teflon helps reduce that wear. Thus many armor-piercing bullets come wrapped in a bit of teflon. In the early 80s the news media focused on the teflon, misrepresenting its role in the penetration capabilities of these bullets. A few action movies later and the myth was firmly set into movie culture.

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Oogirish Night

Posted by @ 9:07 AM on May 14, 2013

J-BUROGU has translated a second episode of Oogirishi Night from he Japanese television variety show God Tongue. God Tongue airs after midnight and, as a result, can get away with airing more adult-themed shows that usually edge on the border of perverse for the first thirty seconds, then fire the jet engines and blast well beyond that border into the aether.

In Oogirishi Night a panel of comedians are given a topic and need to come up with a response that is both perverse and funny, but not so perverse as to cross the boundary into which the joke is no longer funny.

Enjoy.

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The Greatest Insanity

Posted by @ 8:58 AM on May 14, 2013

Gentlemen,

I present to you the Lamborghini Egoista. It’s a concept car from Lamborghini and it represents the very best of childhood toy car fantasy transformed into physical reality. Click through and check out the photo gallery up on autoblog.

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Maybe I Should Keep My Receipts

Posted by @ 6:52 PM on Apr 26, 2013

I recently purchased a gift card that comes with the logo of a major credit card company on the front. My hope was to purchase a game online, that can only be purchased online, and do so without having to give up my personal information. A week later and the card still isn’t working. I call the number on the card and the operator tells me that no money was ever put on the card. It had not been activated. To resolve this he provided a list of items I would need to fax (who the fuck still uses a fax?) in order to resolve the situation. First item on the list? The receipt, which I promptly threw away the day I bought the thing. Item 4 on that list? My driver’s license. Fuck me.

So I’m out 25 bucks plus the 3.95 activation fee, but when I went to a different store to buy another gift card and this time I kept the receipt. Until 30 minutes later I had successfully used it to purchase the game I was after in the first place.

Save those fucking receipts. If I still had the original receipt I wouldn’t have faxed that shit, I’d just have returned to the store I originally bought it.

And now for some funny.

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Enthusiastic Teachers Batsu Game Subtitled!

Posted by @ 11:14 PM on Apr 24, 2013

In January I wrote about the annual batsu game for the Japanese variety show Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!!. At the time you could find a copy of the show online, but nobody had yet translated the show into English, a job that typically takes a team of translators months to do. Well it’s been months and thankfully Team Gaki undertook the challenge and have released full subtitles for the show!

You can find the subtitles (and a link to the torrent for the video itself) at the Team Gaki site.

The team has also kindly provided notes that go along with the subtitles here and here. They will help explain the cultural references being made so that you can better understand the situations going on in the show.

More Gaki no Tsukai

J-BUROGU has translated a two-part show of Hamada on trial for being a horrible person. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here.

Long story short: Hamada is a dick.

This isn’t the only time Hamada has been put on trial. It’s become something of an annual tradition, each one being a two-parter filled with stories of Hamada being a dick. They’re fucking funny (and a little shocking).

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Apologies Not Included

Posted by @ 1:04 AM on Apr 20, 2013

It took over 60 hours to render this 30-second clip which uses some of the highest precision maths available to achieve unparalleled realism. Were I to drop several dozen glossy, pink, rubber dongs in such formation on a white background they would almost certainly fall exactly like this.

And an how appropriate for a blog with a title like ours?

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