Sent: Friday, May 15, 2015 1:08 PM
To: Adams, John
If given – would you keep? If you even had to keep the tailpipes?
From: Adams, John
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2015 2:23 PM
Subject: RE: ...
That is a great question. I should immediately say yes. Driving that thing will be VERY fun (and a little scary) and I’ll be on the inside so I don’t have to look at that train-wreck of thing produced by a child gaining access to his mother's makeup kit while unsupervised in a room full of white walls.
But then I look out the rear-view mirror and I see nothing but tailpipe. Then I start to think about how those tailpipes will actually slow the car down because the air pushing down through the pipes will increase pressure up through to the manifold and the cylinders will not be squeezing out all the exhaust gas it should, leaving less room for new, freshly squeezed gasoline and oxygen to ignite and send me forward several miles per hours more than it would with those Fenway Park obstructed view, performance reducing, pipes.
And then, now that my mind has gone in a negative direction, I’ll remember that I’m in a car that has a pattern on it reserved for ladies undergarments who are either from Jersey Shore or over the age of 50. That mental image of Grandma Snooki will percolate and permeate and eventually taint everything that was wholesome and good inside my head and, distracted trying to find a Dyson product for brains and save what few, clean square inches of 70's orange shag carpet there are left in my head, I’ll run someone over. They’ll be thrown up onto the hood and immediately impaled by a hundred little spikes. Were this an animal like a cow, I could say I was just tenderizing the meat and show the bottle of A1 in the trunk to the cops. But if it’s an actual human being I’m going to have a much harder time trying to explain the many divots left in the bloody mass trying to run away screaming, NOT because of they are in physical pain, but running away from the latest offering from Takashi Miike that is that car.
I’m a fan of Gilbert Gottfried. Judge me how you will for that one.
I once bought a signed copy of his DVD off his website and the signature on this thing looked like something written by a five-year-old. That seemed appropriate.
He recently started a podcast called Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast. He invites friends of his over to his apartment and they talk for an hour. It sounds simple, and boring, but it’s one of the most interesting podcasts I’ve ever listened to. Of the first 15 shows, the guest list is wonderfully eclectic and includes people like Dick Cavett, Paul Schaffer, Larry Storch, Penn Jillette, and Billy West. Most of the podcast is Gilbert and the guest trading stories, and there’s awesome stories, about comedians, television and movie stars, and more. The only thing that you might find uninteresting is several of the stories are about old-time stars that anyone born after, say, 1980, will have no clue who they are, but this is what Wikipedia was created for.
Check it out. It’s free and it’s worth it.
Suberanai Hanashi is a show hosted by Hitoshi Matsumoto. In the show a group of comedians sit around a table taking turns telling funny stories. Who goes next is determined by a roll of a dice.
The title of the show basically means “Stories That Don’t Suck”.
Unlike a lot of Japanese television, this is one where a lack of understanding of the language means you’re not going to get anything out of it. Lucky for us GodzillaRadio has created subtitles for us. It’s an hour long and worth checking out and laughing your ass off.
Ah, Japan. Never change.
A post in celebration that we’re still here. If I may, I’d like to direct your attention to this Team Gaki blog post in which you will find information on how you can watch this past New Years Eve 24-hour batsu game, fully translated. Team Gaki did a great job getting this thing finished in just two months. That is an insane timeline, half what it would normally take.
So what is this batsu game all about?
Like all 24 hour batsu games, the 5 members of Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende spend 24 hours in some crazy scenario during which they must not laugh. If at any point they do laugh they are punished (“batsu” in Japanese). Punishment typically comes in the form of a masked individual hitting them in the ass with a heavy foam bat. This year’s scenario was that they would be members of the Earth Defense Force, a team dedicated to protecting the planet from alien invaders.
Their costumes and several of the pranks pulled on the cast were inspired by an old Japanese sci-fi monster series called Ultraman. A few of the pranks really stood out and created some of the funniest moments of any of the batsu games such as the producers showing the uncanny similarities between Hamada and a couple Ultraman monsters, a touching, but painful letter from some of the cast’s children to their fathers, and a couple ruthless pranks setup early in the show with huge payoffs towards the end. Rather than spell them out here and spoil them, you’ll need to just trust me on this and head into it blind. It’s a 5-hour long show, so you’ll need to clear out a 5 hour block of your day or, perhaps the more sane choice, break it down into hourly segments. It’ll be worth the time.
In the Kiki series each cast member is given a food or drink item to sample while blindfolded. They must then sample a number of similar items and correctly identify the one they were given while blindfolded. Get it right and the cast member wins 100,000 yen (about US$1,000). Get it wrong and they receive a batsu (punishment), typically involving getting hit over the head with something.
In this episode they’re tasting Ponzu, a citrus-based sauce typically used for dipping.
J-BUROGU has translated a second episode of Oogirishi Night from he Japanese television variety show God Tongue. God Tongue airs after midnight and, as a result, can get away with airing more adult-themed shows that usually edge on the border of perverse for the first thirty seconds, then fire the jet engines and blast well beyond that border into the aether.
In Oogirishi Night a panel of comedians are given a topic and need to come up with a response that is both perverse and funny, but not so perverse as to cross the boundary into which the joke is no longer funny.
In January I wrote about the annual batsu game for the Japanese variety show Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!!. At the time you could find a copy of the show online, but nobody had yet translated the show into English, a job that typically takes a team of translators months to do. Well it’s been months and thankfully Team Gaki undertook the challenge and have released full subtitles for the show!
You can find the subtitles (and a link to the torrent for the video itself) at the Team Gaki site.
The team has also kindly provided notes that go along with the subtitles here and here. They will help explain the cultural references being made so that you can better understand the situations going on in the show.
Long story short: Hamada is a dick.
This isn’t the only time Hamada has been put on trial. It’s become something of an annual tradition, each one being a two-parter filled with stories of Hamada being a dick. They’re fucking funny (and a little shocking).
It took over 60 hours to render this 30-second clip which uses some of the highest precision maths available to achieve unparalleled realism. Were I to drop several dozen glossy, pink, rubber dongs in such formation on a white background they would almost certainly fall exactly like this.
And an how appropriate for a blog with a title like ours?